I have spent the past week looking back over the time since I began to have medical problems. It took a long time to get a diagnosis and prognosis. During all those months of being poked, prodded and scanned, I fought like crazy denying there was anything wrong. My last day at work was July 3, 2010. I was officially turned over to long-term disability permanently on November 3, 2010.
I was bound and determined that this was the universe letting me know I needed to go in a different direction. My expectation (from myself) was that I would seamlessly discover my raison d’etre, put together a website/online presence I could run from home. My hope, naïvely, was to change the world – help women, in particular, to find their voices and strengths to heal their communities, teach each other how to be healthy.
It hasn’t been that easy. I am dealing with depression – over the loss of my identity as a physiotherapist, my ability to do many of the things I used to do. I am also living with some serious pain as well as movement disorders – frustrating and embarrassing. I am still very sure that all this has a higher purpose – it just isn’t an instant transition:-)
I am doing better. I don’t cry as much. I have started a course in website design. My son thinks it’s a lot easier than I do, but I’m working my way through it, finding it interesting. I am applying for bursaries for other courses I’d like to do but can’t find the dollars to do. I know I’ll be able to do the ones that are important for me. I am starting to relax a bit, let myself rest when I need to. I know how very fortunate I am to have the long-term disability to support me through this time of change.
In addition to the course in web design, I am investigating all kinds of alternative healing. I know there is so much out there that we have yet to comprehend. I feel I can investigate some of these strange sounding therapies with a bit of a medical knowledge base as well as an open heart and mind.
I will try to do a better job of keeping you posted. I am so grateful for all the interest on Twitter. I so appreciate that others find value in the thoughts I bring forward. I am very blessed for all my friends – in person and over the internet.
Much love to all, namaste…Debbie